Theres been all these illustrations going on around me at the moment where I've seen people talking themselves out of things which they were in the midst of doing and then being surprised when what they talked themselves out of stopped happening which I find really weird but if it's so obvious in others then it behooves me somewhat to have a good look at my own life and see if I'm doing it to myself.
But ow, it hurts... not looking at myself but theres a pussy cat on my lap and I have to lean forward to get to the keyboard and so before I go much further I think Pussy has got to go... but then it also makes sense that I make some little tabs on the edge of the work surface in front of me so, because winter is on it's way and the pussy cats spend a reasonably vast amount of together time during this season on my lap, then these little fold out tabs will allow me to both sit here with pussies upon the folded legs lap and me being able to type away quite comfortably.
Task completed, I let Puss go and went and grabbed her rain time outside pillow under the eaves by the backdoor and shes had a good sniff of it and knows it's her pillow so she's now comfortable over by the window and I'm comfortable sitting forward on my chair and tap, tap, tapping the early morning into a lighter drier existence after last nights heavyish rain.
So as regards the talking into stopping stuff I had my own long drawn out semi ordeal which basically sorted itself out anyway but still is worthy of comparison to what seems like other almost totally blundering about.
I did a job last year for a chap who runs a steel business so that's quite handy for me as I do tend to enjoy a bit of steel now and again and so I did graphic design for him for cash and material credit and because he was total old school and even grew up in the old neighbourhood, which incidentally we didn't find out 'till later, but when we did find out though he was another five years on me it was exactly the same streets and beaches and market gardens bordering the rail yards and factories on the edge of Otahuhu, so there was a natural trust and even springiness and stretchiness to deal making which bordered quite nicely on that instilled criminality which the middle classes find so hard to understand in the working class.
Anyways I basically did the work and took it to the printers for a sample even but then when he saw it it was like that's not what I want and I'm like okay pay me the cash and I'm now nicely warmed up on this graphics thing but I've other stuff to do so I'll find the edges and go back in and create the changes you want in my spare time and he's like cool but I was kinda feeling 'you bastard' I've sweated bricks to get this far and it's already bloody cheap so why you being cheeky?
Then the slow breakdown of computer function started. It was real slow though and took months. The drawing tablet pen stopped working and eventually I pulled it apart and the battery earth solder had broken so I resoldered it but then the putting it back together was tricky and it kinda worked but didn't also so it's like okay, well old Dick Smith tablet, it's time for a new one. Then the graphics card on the already well old secondhand laptop I got in '12 started playing up but not anywhere near huge but enough to tell me it was on it's way out. Meanwhile I got a new drawing tablet, a genius one for $60.00 but then it wouldn't function properly either so research followed and it's like going well under the hood to fix my Operating system, a Linux one, but theres an easier way which is to run a later model operating system from a live disk.
Long story short the computer finally died so I built a new one from shit found on the side of the road... no costs whatsoever, the files for the work weren't lost as I found a USB stick at my bro's and there they all were, and Ubuntu studio 15.10 sitting on the desktop ready to cut to DVD and it's like four months since I've even seen this guy but I'm ready to go again so I send him an e-mail at last saying sorry but my tools slowly deconstructed themselves and I've finally built it all up again and I'm ready to go and he sends back straight away, I'm happy with what you did now and all I need is the file and the name of the printers... sweet, sorted, he ain't gonna punch me out and maybe even realised when I disappeared you don't look a gift horse in the mouth...
I gotta, though, review my own operating system 'cause these other three systems I've just seen up close are dismantling themselves even before they get started and it's the speed at which this happens which is what I'm seeing. My own unconscious dismantling goes well slow and I've kinda seen this but it's been too slow to really validate it and bring it all forward for review but then these three on the edges cases are so pronounced in destructive tendencies I'm waving a red flag at myself.
It's not positive thinking either 'cause that's just as dangerous for setting ourselves up for falls but it's knowing in the complete and utter here and now where we're unconsciously undermining ourselves. I did it with my guy where I should have spoken up and said "I've done the shit, it's done, we're done and detailing costs extra, pay up or get on a new horse!" But no, I grinned and bore it, I threw it on my shoulders and ignored my disgruntlement and my computer stuff, the graphics card especially, said you ain't seeing it properly, your vision is blinkered and so we're going bust too.
But I'm lucky I'm actually quite aware of my stupids. It ain't smelly shit to be pushed into corners then wonder where the stink is coming from... it's my shit so I give it a good sniff, build up the noses abilities, smear it over my clothes and watch people react as the mirrors we all can use... Take on the lesson not so blantantly obvious but then, aha, others are there showing us in big blatant detail what coming off us as a stink too.
I'm glad I'm lazy then, that one of my most developed abilities is to do nothing, or at the very least as little as possible 'cause with a little applied spirituality then the observation without reacting either positively or negatively and watched with an eagles eye for subconscious tendencies, both in myself and reflected back at me, it makes it all the more enjoyable and recreates the time to really get sat well back into the laziness.
